On Friday, I talked about the psychological aspect of selling. It’s a very important topic if you’re an entrepreneur.

I’m continuing this topic by emphasizing an area often overlooked by many entrepreneurs. When they finally notice it, they’re typically waist-deep in at least one bad client relationship.

The thing is, no one really prepares you for these type of relationships. I’m convinced that if schools and universities did a better job teaching relationship skills, we’d have a much more robust economy and society as a whole.

The only reason I know about this topic so well is that first, I did study Communication Art in college and second, I’ve heavily researched relationship and interpersonal communication topics. I’ve also learned a great deal from my mistakes in these areas.

So let’s dive in.

Good fences make good neighbors…

Although Robert Frost’s poem, “Mending Wall,” questioned the value of the proverb, “good fences make good neighbors,” there is something to be said about having boundaries.

One of the most important aspects of any relationship is establishing boundaries. Setting boundaries is when you decide to allow certain behavior to occur in the relationship or reject it. It is a way to show that you respect yourself and the other person.

If a person sees that they can treat you disrespectfully with no negative repercussions, they will do it again. It will become a pattern.

However, if a person is mistreated by someone else and clearly states, “This type of treatment is absolutely unacceptable,” and follows up with action that supports it, then they have set a very strong boundary.

Boundaries are meant to protect a person from being harassed or taken advantage of. They also are a sign of courtesy when relating to others. For instance, if I met a stranger at a party and they immediately launched into telling me all the lurid details of their recent divorce, including private information about their ex-spouse, I’d say they didn’t have strong boundaries. At the very least, they would lack discretion.

Boundaries are especially necessary when you are developing a business relationship. Demonstrating sensitivity, respect, courtesy, thoughtfulness and even kindness can go a long way toward building a mutually beneficial relationship.

But what is vital is sending a very clear message that you are not someone who will tolerate exploitation or abuse. The ability to do this while not giving the impression that you’re a “difficult” personality, yourself, takes tact and diplomacy.

The interesting thing about setting boundaries is that much of it can be done in a non-verbal manner and verbally with your own style of communication.

Non-verbal clues

I can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk. I can also tell a lot about them by the way they look at someone when they talk or how they move when they listen.

The key to creating great relationships is by paying attention.

Be observant. Notice, for instance, if a prospective client walks into a coffee shop as if he owned the place. Notice if a prospective client cuts you off mid-sentence or waves her hands dismissively at you as you share an insight.

Pay attention. I call these “red flags” and if you want to protect your business, you’ll also want to notice them.

I say “protect your business” because this is exactly what you’re doing. If you ignore the “red flags” and take on a client who does not respect your boundaries, believe me, they will suck the life out of your business. You will have no energy to deliver what they’re paying you to do let alone work your business.

So think of yourself as a sentry for your business, carefully scanning the environment to assess who will benefit your business versus who will not.

More non-verbal cues:

• Watch how a prospective client talks to their staff. Is it respectful or condescending?
• Does the prospective client sigh often, as though weary from their responsibilities?
• Are there signs of nervousness? Wringing hands, rubbing their temples with their hands, rapid talking, and quick eye movements?
• Does the prospective client noticeably roll their eyes at your question or comment?
• Does the prospective client try to stare holes into you as you’re speaking with him? Are there other signs of intimidation?
• Are there any signs of trying to induce fear in you by making sudden movements, cutting you off mid-sentence or grabbing an object that could inflict damage and “playing” with it?

Those are just a few signs that you do not want to do business with such a person.

Verbal clues

I think we intuitively pick up on people’s personalities by the tone of their voice. Entrepreneurs and business leaders know that they don’t have to necessarily like every client. But there does need to be a certain level of trust in the relationship in order to do business.

And that trust doesn’t happen when you feel bull-dozed by a client. It also doesn’t happen when you feel as though the client is treating you like a slave, eager to do their bidding.

Many business owners have strong personalities. It’s what helped them reach their level of success. However, there is a difference between a direct style of communication versus bullying.

A key way to tell the difference is what happens when you disagree with them or tell them something is either unavailable or they’ll have to wait for it.

If the initial reaction is one of shock or a strong push-back, be on guard. It’s another red flag telling you how a prospective client or business partner will deal with you in the future.

With strong personalities, you need to make your business case clearly without apology. Don’t back down on your business standards and deliverables. As a business owner, let the prospective client know that this is how you conduct business.

You want to send the message that although you want the buyer’s business, you also have your own terms for delivering that business. For instance, if you don’t want to work nights, let the client know your office hours and that you’ll respond to communication within 24 hours.

If it is an emergency, make sure to define what that entails. Not everything is an “emergency” and some clients will take it to mean whenever they’re worried about something, they can contact you at 2:00 AM to talk about it.

So always make sure to clearly define how you do business. It will help avoid those awkward situations when you’re trying to enjoy a family event and your client is lighting up your mobile phone.

More verbal clues:

• Do they speak condescendingly to you? Call you “honey” or another derogatory term?
• Are they always complaining? Especially about their last vendor or service provider?
• Do they use “how dare you!” language?

Again, these are all signs of someone who isn’t used to showing any respect. You don’t want to do business with such a person.

Doing business can often feel like a cage match. Some buyers look at negotiations like a battle and only see a “I win, you lose” outcome.

The more you can set boundaries and notice when a prospective buyer doesn’t have any, the more your business will prosper.

You want clients who appreciate what you can do for them. Not those who look at you as a necessary evil who only is dealt with when there is no alternative.

This week, notice how you communicate with your clients and prospects. Shore up your boundary lines if they’re weak or non-existent. The more firm you are with your communication, the more respect you’ll earn.

And clients who respect you will be the best kind of clients and often, the most lucrative. Here’s to finding them and growing your business with productive relationships.