Let’s be honest. Buyers are bored with their mundane lives. Not much really excites them. Between mourning the decline of “American Idol” and realizing they don’t know jack about “bracketology,” your buyers are truly living pitiful lives.
But wait! You are in a most advantageous position! You have a great opportunity to lift your buyer out of their pathetic little world by sharing with them all the great things about YOUR company!
You’re doing a favor for your buyer. I mean, really… how many episodes of The Walking Dead can they watch before realizing that everything is hopeless?
Your buyer needs a break, something to bring some joy to his world. And for that, nothing is better than you blasting your message about how completely phenomenal YOU are and why your company is better than chocolate-covered bacon slices!
So here are some tips to do just that:
Make sure your headlines go heavy on the superlatives
I mean, why try to hide it? You’re awesome, aren’t you?! (Of course!) So roll out those grand claims!
We Are The Most Magnificent Marketing Automation Software You’ll EVER Meet. In Fact, You’d Be Cray-Cray Not To Sign Up With Us!
(That one is a freebie. You’re welcome.)
We Are The First-Rate, First-Class, First Choice, Premier Source For A Complete Solution
I know, I know. I’m on a roll, here. But feel free to take it and tweak it for your own use.
Other words your buyer loves to see:
There are so many wonderful words to describe you, aren’t there? So make sure you use every one of them in your copy. It’s sure to make an impression.
Make sure you use a lot of complex language
Your buyer probably leads a very simple life. He needs to be challenged in his thinking by reading copy that has complex language that will widen his horizons. Plus, using complex language impresses the executives in every company.
Those decision-makers are weary of simplified language and processes. They’re looking to fill their day with marketing collateral that will take some time to digest. Like… days of their time.
So don’t make your copy simple and easy. You’ll look like you rode the short bus. Instead, fill your copy with five-syllable words and lengthy sentences that will send the message, “We’re smarter than you. If you don’t believe it, please use the link to the online dictionary on the side to understand this web copy.”
Finally, make sure you fit every single thing about your company into one convenient spot, like the Home Page
Don’t listen to your web designers who talk about that strange concept, “white space.” There’s plenty of space usually on the sides of a web page, anyway!
Instead, make sure you include everything about your company’s products and services on the front page.
This means every spec, color, and design. And don’t forget to include in minute detail what your service is able to do and why it’s such a great investment.
List all of your features of every product on the front page. And to save space, make sure you do this by consolidating everything into only two paragraphs.
In an 8pt font size.
You’ll get better mileage, honest.
Don’t worry about annoying little things like headlines and sub-headlines. And also don’t worry about using design elements like bullets or pull-outs.
Nope. Your buyer doesn’t want to be bothered by all that. Instead, they like to see one large, impenetrable wall of text that makes them know you mean business. And you’ll be sure to get theirs, too, by employing such Jedi mind-tricks!
So take these tips to heart and see how they perform for you. I’m sure you’ll be thanking me in the months ahead…