I spoke with a good friend today about a recent experience she had with professional training.
The training was one-on-one. The trainer was in his late twenties. And the trainer was as un-engaging as a fickle cat.
He momentarily preened himself as he talked about his own successes but made no attempt to learn about my friend. He asked no questions, demonstrated no curiosity, and showed no courtesy as he shuffled her off on her own for lunch while he went home to do whatever self-absorbed trainers do when they don’t really care about their job.
This, my friend, is unacceptable behavior in today’s business world.
I have been shocked by today’s lack of what used to be called “people skills.” What are “people skills?” I’ll use my friend’s example to illustrate:
1. When meeting someone for the first time, smile warmly as you shake his or her hand while saying, “Nice to meet you.”
2. When conversing with someone you just met, ask them questions. If it’s a training session and it’s only you and the other person, get to know them by asking questions about their work history and what this person hopes to gain from your time together. It breaks the ice and sets the tone for the training.
3. When training someone who came from out of town, it is a show of courtesy to provide information about the surrounding area. And since most people feel a little awkward when they’re out of their element, it is also courteous to invite them to lunch. It’s another opportunity to get to know one another and network.
Courtesy. Kindness. Listening skills. They all add up to professionalism. It’s paying attention to the small details that will cause many to say, “He’s sharp. Classy. And he knows his stuff.”
Unfortunately, my friend could not say any such thing about this trainer.
People skills used to be emphasized in the workplace because there wasn’t any technology (other than a phone or fax machine) that could connect people. You had to talk to people. You had to learn about a person’s idiosyncrasies and deal with them.
And if you really wanted to be successful, you learned how to persuade people to give your idea a chance by giving them what they wanted, which could be a lot of things. Respect. Appreciation. Recognition.
I fear that in the midst of embracing technology, we’ve lost sight of this very important skill. Instead of talking with someone face-to-face, we now text them or send an email. We simply don’t communicate with each other that often “in real life.”
Whenever I meet someone who has people skills, who is gracious and courteous in their communication style and who shows consideration of others when meeting them, I have a word for it.
Polish.
Such a person has style. My father would call it good breeding. Whatever you call it, you know you appreciate it. It is much more enjoyable to speak with such a person than the type my friend had for her training.
And here’s the thing. It causes a positive ripple in the universe.
When you demonstrate traits such as kindness, courtesy and consideration—not only do you impress the other person, she’ll usually be impressed enough to tell others about you.
She’ll remember you when someone she knows needs your services. She’ll think positively about you and be your advocate. If you nurture such relationships, she may even become one of your long-term clients.
I did mention a book.
It’s a classic. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Brilliant book.
Now here’s the thing. Only two people who read this blog post and never heard of this book before will pick it up and read it. And between those two people, one will actually put into practice the principles learned from the book.
If you’re that lucky one person, I can’t even begin to emphasize the advantages you will have in your life as a result of reading and implementing Carnegie’s wisdom.
It’s one of my secret weapons.
I’ve had many, many people say to me throughout the years, “You seem to get along so well with everyone and you’re well-liked. You’re lucky.”
Luck had nothing to do with it.
I read Carnegie’s book when I was a teenager and applied his timeless wisdom to my life’s situations. I learned a great deal from the book’s examples and would test them out for myself. Again and again, I would be met with success.
I see many entrepreneurs who desire success. And some do reach a level of it by being complete jerks to everyone around them. But they usually don’t last. Someone buys them out or they have customers who find someone else to do business with.
But those who have long-lasting relationships with clients and customers… those who others enjoy being around… those who have employees who love to work for them are those who have mastered the skills that Carnegie so brilliantly explains in his classic tome.
This book is like a pearl. Everyone wants the treasure of success but few are willing to dig for it. When you do dig for it, you’ll find something worth your effort.
Part of me doesn’t want to tell you about this book. Basically, the less people use its principles, the better it is for people like me. Less competition, you see.
Yet if we have any hope at all to live in a civil world, every single person would need to read this book.
I know that won’t happen. However, if you do want to get a leg up on your competition and have clients who adore you and friends who rush to make sure you get an invitation to their swanky parties, read the book.
Simply put, it will make you shine.
