This is a sequel to my original post, “Why Paying $10 For Copywriting Won’t Help Your Business.”
Recently, I received an email from Drayton Bird entitled, “Never Forget Why It Is Called Direct Response.” (If you’re not on Drayton’s email list, I highly suggest signing up.)
For those who are unsure of the term, “direct response,” here is a definition: Direct response is the form of advertising used to get an immediate response from the person reading or seeing the ad.
Direct response, in other words, causes you to want to do something. Click. Buy. Call. Email.
In his email, Drayton highlights why he would never call on a business that sent him the following emails. With his permission, here is his email. Emphasis mine:
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(Oh, and don’t be so damned idle)
A while ago I got a message from somebody called Marcus Noreply.
He (or it, if it was a machine that was talking to me) was promising me that I would Start Generating New Sales Today. Here’s the message:
Dear Drayton Bird
As you may the new buzz term in direct marketing is “Pay Per Action”, a markerting service that give your business the opportunity to enter into 24/7 bespoke targeted marketing campaigns Without the Risk.
How does it work?
A Pay Per Action Marketing account through C8W will allow your organisation to enter into regular scheduled marketing campaigns boosting both your brand and more importantly your sales.
OK so whats the difference?
the difference being that unlike more traditional methods where you pay for everything regardless of the result, with a Pay Per Action account you pay only for the acitivity generated and not the marketing itself. Therefore if for whatever reason the campaign was unsuccessful then it would cost you nothing.
What types of campaigns are included?
As a C8W Pay Per Action customer you will be assigned a dedicated Marketing Consultant to assist you in building well presented and targeted direct mail campaigns that when delivered through the techniques detailed below will instantly start to generate new potential customers for your business.
Services include:
Traditional Direct Mail Telemarketing Email Marketing Fax Marketing Search Marketing
Contact C8W UK today to find out how your business can start to benefit from Marketing Without The Risk!
Please use the “Make Contact” link below to make contact with a C8W UK representative and begin the process of taking your sales and marketing programme to the next level.
Yours sincerely,
The Business Development Team C8W UK xxxx xxx xxxx
Frankly, I would be very unlikely to do business with Marcus Noreply, for a number of reasons.
The first is that these machines that spew out messages but give no name you can reply to irritate the hell out of me. The whole point of direct response is that it gives you chance to build a relationship with people.
And by people, I mean individuals.
If I wish to talk to someone, I want to know who they are – not a team, not an anonymous UK representative: a real live human being with a real name.
I am not an eccentric in this; everyone is like that. A name increases response; it’s that simple. A face will increase it further. A signature, further still.
Next, if anyone wants me to use their services, they should show some slight dawning glimmers of competence.
Consider the fact that the copy itself is very poor, full of jargon and clichés and makes neither a complete nor a persuasive argument.
On top of that there are two literals, three grammatical errors and one missing word in it. Quite an achievement in 237 words.
Even schoolchildren have heard of spell-check and know they should read their work before submitting it. Damned idle.
And the shame of it all is that they have a very interesting promise. But why should I imagine they can sell me if they can’t sell themselves?
Actually I’ve decided that illiteracy and sloppiness rule among these firms. Here’s another one. Four mistakes in the first three paragraphs. Way to go, bonzo!
att: Drayton Bird Partnership
Hi,
Emedia produce Email Stationery for Companies, and we are interested in quoting for producing yours?
The Email Stationery Emedia produce does not contain the images as all the image content of your template is embedded preventing any rejection from the recipients server and ensuring high speed travel.
The Email stationery we produce for companies, are the same e-letterheads that the large blue chips companies are now implementing (see examples [link omitted]) providing a professional letterhead for your email correspondence to be sent out on while ensuring reliability in transit.
We can also animate your existing logo to give that cutting edge presentation. (See samples [link omitted])
You wouldn’t dream of sending hard copy correspondence out without using your company’s pre printed stationery, you can now send your emails out on your company’s stationery 100% reliably and for a negligible cost.
You provide us with your artwork, either in hard copy or an emailable version (We can lift artwork from your website if you like), we send you a proof, once approved, we provide a personal self installing download which will incorporate your letterhead into your emails, giving all your staffs correspondence a professional identity.
If you would like to know more information or to place your order then use the website links below.
If it is someone else within your organisation who would decide on this then please forward them this email.
Email letterheads are compatible with Outlook and Outlook Express, the most widely used email software. You can select to use your E-letterhead or de-select whenever appropriate, once installed your E-letterhead can be used whenever you want.
To find out more about this service use our website link below or give us a call on 01782 444821.
At Emedia we also provide a whole host of other Web related services, bespoke online ordering systems, Online Web traffic control systems, Online Training Systems, Online Contact database Management with automated emailing, if you would like us to explore how we can help your entire online presence then give us a call, and allow us to explore how we can help your business.
Regards
Adam Ward-Best
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These emails are excellent examples of poor copywriting. They are the type of copy you’d get if you hired someone for $10 an hour (or worse, $2 an hour). You might as well take your money and flush it down the toilet because that’s what happens when you use the services of such “damned idle” types.
Drayton’s admonishment at the beginning (“Don’t be so damned idle”) is a great kick in the pants for those of us who rush from one project to the other without checking our work. Using the spell check tool doesn’t take long. Re-reading your copy several times also takes little time but is worth the effort. I usually let my copy sit overnight and then re-read it the next day. It’s amazing how many mistakes I catch by that approach.
Your website copy, your marketing collateral, your emails, your special reports– all will make a very specific impression upon your reader. It’s up to you whether that impression is good or bad.
The goal is to gain your reader’s trust and have them respond to your offer. If you have a credible offer and your proposition has solid copywriting principles, you’ll make a good impression. If, however, you use cheap services that don’t understand the importance of spelling words right and logical sentence structure, then you’ll make a bad impression.
Do your business a favor. Hire skilled copywriters. Review their work. Show the copy to those who know little about your business to check their response. If you get positive comments, that’s a good sign. Ultimately, you won’t know the true response until you send it out.
Just remember: poor copy in your marketing materials is the equivalent of having a broken window. Not only does it look bad, but it makes the building look shabby. And no one wants to visit a shabby building.
Make your “building” shine. Invest in quality copy.
